Shake That Azz

kids say great things

Subject: kids say great things

  A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of  first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.  The children began to say:

> >>        "Red..............cherry",

> >>

> >>        Yellow............lemon",

> >>

> >>       "Green................lime",

> >>

> >>       Orange..............orange"

> >>

 Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify  the taste.  "Well", he said "I'll give you all a clue, it's what your mother may call your father at times".  One little girl, Sarah Hornstein looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled:   "Oh My God!!!! They're assholes"!!!

30 THINGS STRESSED WOMEN MAY SAY AT WORK

>30 THINGS STRESSED WOMEN MAY SAY AT WORK
>
>1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
>2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
>3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
>4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
>5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
>6. Do I look like a people person?
>7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
>8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
>9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
>10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless
>acts of self-control?
>11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
>12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
>13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
>14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
>15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!
>16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
>17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
>18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
>19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
>20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
>21. Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done.
>22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
>23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
>24. Earth is full. Go home.
>25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
>26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
>27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
>28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
>29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
>30. Look in my eyes .. Do you see one ounce of gives-a-shit?
>
>

Computer Displays

If your computer displays behavior like this...





....it means you caught a really shitty virus!!

typical married couple - Funny

Subject: typical married couple

Typical married couple:

A typical married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was quietly reading, he would periodically reach over to his wife and fondle her "kitty". He did this a few times but only for a very short time each time. He would then stop and resume reading his book.

The wife gradually became aroused with this and thought that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement before going any further. She got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "Why are you taking your clothes off?  

The wife replied, "You were playing with my kitty and I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight." The husband said, "No, not at all." The wife then asked, "Well, what the hell were you doing then?" The husband replied, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."

How did you catch the man of your dreams and keep him?

Question of the day! How did you catch the man of your dreams and keep him? 

Leave Comments and let us know!!!

Romantic Kissing Guide

http://www.romancestuck.com/kissing.htm

Kissing is the simplest act of romance, yet it can be the most erotic, sensual, and loving act of romance. Many times, we forget just how wonderful kissing can truly be... whether it's a good make out session or a tender kiss to say "I Love You".

Definition of a Kiss

kiss

-v. 1. to  touch or caress with the lips, as in affection or greeting.

But a kiss can be so much more. A kiss can express and arouse so many different emotions and feelings.

One of the best things about kissing is that it never gets boring! There are so many different ways to vary a simple kiss that will keep you occupied for hours! We have a large collection of different types of kisses to jump start your kissing creativity.

The Act of Kissing

10 Steps to the Perfect Kiss - Learn how to make every kiss the perfect kiss.
10 Steps to the Perfect French Kiss - Tips for sensual and passionate French kisses.
Types of Kisses - Get creative with your kissing!
The Meaning of Kisses - Ever wondered what a kiss means?
The Science of Kissing - Explore the physiology and chemistry of kissing.

Kissing Fun

Kissing Quotes - Perfect for love notes.
Kissing Games - Kissable party games.
Kiss Poetry - These poems will have your sweetie ready to pucker up.
Kissing Trivia - Check out these cool kissing facts.
Kissing Songs - Great kissing music.
Movie Kisses - Our picks for the most romantic kisses from the big screen.
TV Kisses - Our picks for the most romantic kisses from the small screen.
X's and O's - Send romantic hugs and kisses via X's and O's.

History of Kissing

Humans have a long history of kissing. Europeans kiss both cheeks. Parents kiss their child's cheek. The Intuit rub noses. The french kiss by... ;). Kissing, both casual and romantic, is a common practice, but but we really don't know where or how it began.

There are several different theories as to how kissing all began:

• In ancient times, a mother would chew up food and pass it directly to the mouth of her baby. What started as a sign of affection between mother and child most likely spread to romantic relationships. However, some cultures had the same practice of passing food to their children, but knew nothing about kissing.
• Some believed that our souls lived in our breath and that kissing brings your soul together, thus combining you together for eternity. This is a romantic theory, but not really one that can be proven true.
• Kissing gets you close enough to your partner to smell their scent, giving you knowledge of the person. Animals practice a similar behavior by rubbing against each other.

The theories are just that though. There is no proof or record of where and how kissing originally began. We do know that Europeans were kissing during the Greek and Roman times. It also appears that some form of kissing may have started in India as there are texts from around 1500 B.C. that describe the custom of rubbing noses together, now commonly referred to as 'Eskimo Kissing'.

While we don't know for sure when or where kissing first began, the reference to 'Eskimo Kissing' supports the theory that kissing gets you close to your partner in order to pick up on their scent. When you inhale your partner's scent, you subconsciously learn a lot about the other person by their smell. As we previously noted, most animals engage in a similar behavior.

It seems then that the modern romantic kiss most likely evolved as a way of unconsciously testing the genetic fitness of a potential mate. While this may be the underlying reason as to why we began kissing, it's not really the main reason as to why we continue to practice it. The reason is simple: it feels good, it evokes feelings of passion, and it's a physical connection between ourselves and our partners.

However the kiss began, we're thankful. :)

Adult Rated Pickup Lines to Use on Both Sexes

Looking to spice up your night or perhaps need a good laugh? These adult rated pickup lines can be used on both men and women for a little extra fun. Use at your own risk though. ;) ** Warning ** These pickup lines are sexual in nature or contain foul language. If you find this offensive, go back to the main page.

• You wanna get a pizza and fuck? [Excuse me?] What? You dont like pizza?
• Do you know how to use a whip?
• My name is [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
• Would you like Gin and Platonic, or Scotch and Sofa?
• I want to violate you like a parking meter.
• If you were homework, I'd be doing you right here on my desk!
• Do you have a shovel? Cause I'm diggin' that ass!
• Smile, if you want to sleep with me.
• In my mind, we're going to have sex anyway, so you might as well be in the room.
• You would look great on my pillow tomorrow morning.
• Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?
• If you were a door, I'd bang you all night.
• Lets do math! We can add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply.
• Do you like Burger King? [Why?]Because I'll do it your way!
• Hi, do you have a little something right here? [Where?] I lied, but would you like to have a little something right there?
• Did you wash your clothes in Windex? [No, why?] Because I can see myself in your pants.
• I'd like to butter those muffins!
• Girls are sexy, guys are fine I'll be your six if you'll be my nine!
• I've got the FCK, all I need is U.
• F**K me if I'm wrong, but isn't your last name?
• If you were my homework, I'd be doing you right now.
• Want to go for some pizza and sex? [No.] What? You don't like pizza?

PICKUP LINES FOR USE ON MEN

Whether you're looking for a way to pickup a man or just looking for a good laugh, you'll find both here. These pickup lines to use on men could help with both! If you're looking for more pickup lines, check out our top 101 pickup lines that can be used on both men and women.

1. If I could have you in bed, I wouldn't need the cover to keep warm.
2. Are you a fairytale? [Why?] Because you can't be for real.
3. You're just the way I like my coffee. Tall, black, and strong.
4. Is that a keg in your pants? [No, why?] Cause I'm trying to tap that.
5. You've been a bad boy! Now go to MY room!
6. I've looked for a man with a VCR and I've finally found the perfect one.... thats a Very Cute Rear by the way.
7. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your jeans.
8. Want to take a swim in my ocean?
9. If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
10. Did you fart? Cuase you blew me away.
11. I bet I could beat you at football. [No way.] Give me the ball and you tackle.
12. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
13. Hi. [Trust us, it doesn't take much to pick up the average guy.]
14. Do you have a Band-Aid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you.
15. I may not be Wilma, but I can sure make your bedrock.
16. Do these look real?
17. Want to play fireman? We can stop, drop and roll.
18. Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
19. [Reach for the back of their shirt and look at the tag, then say:] Just what I thought, made in Heaven.
20. You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves...
21. You are the hottest thing since sunburn.
22. I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

http://www.romancestuck.com/pickup-lines.htm

101 Pickup Lines

You asked and we found them! If you're looking for a way to pick up your next date or just looking for a good laugh, check out these top 101 pickup lines as submitted by our readers! Be warned though, use of these pickup lines in real-life dating situations may sometimes result in well... not necessarily what you were hoping for. ;)

1. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet
2. I must be a Snowflake, becuase I've fallen for you.
3. I know somebody that thinks they might like you alot. And if i wasnt so shy, I would tell you who it is.
4. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
5. Are you religious? [Why?] Because you're the answer to my prayers.
6. Can I lick that film off your teeth?
7. Can you give me directions...to your heart?
8. Did they just take you out of the oven? [No, why?] Because you're hot!
9. Do you have a map? [No, why?] Because I just got lost in your eyes.
10. Don't be so picky... I wasn't!
11. Falling for you would be a very short trip.
12. Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.
13. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
14. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
15. Let's go behind that rock, and get a little boulder.
16. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
17. Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.
18. Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.
19. What do you like for breakfast?
20. You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
21. You don't need car keys to drive me crazy.
22. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
23. You sure have a great looking tooth.
24. I wish I were sine squared and you were cosined squared, because together we could be one.
25. I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
26. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? [No, why?] 'Cause I can see me in your pants.
27. May I have some kisses up here, please.
28. If a star fell from the sky every time I thought about you, then tonight the sky would be empty.
29. My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
30. Haven't I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?
31. If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you.
32. You must be a magician, because everytime I look at you, everyone else disappears.
33. You want me. I can smell it.
34. If you were a drug, I would overdose!
35. If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I'd have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that's you.
36. [Note: for use when someone you know is getting married] Hi, I'm throwing the bachelor/bachelorette party for a friend of mine, and I need a stripper. Interested?
37. Is your dad a baker? [No. Why?] Cause you have some nice buns.
38. I don't speak in tongues, but I kiss that way.
39. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
40. Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No.] Then wink.
41. You know, we were born without clothes.
42. Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?
43. Like alcohol to the alcoholic,
    Like chocolate to the chocoholic,
    You are the [name] to the [name]holic.
    (preferabally for use on men/women that have an A or O as the last letter of their first name.)
44. If I bit my lip would you kiss it better?
45. Will you read my palm? [I don't see anything.] I didn't expect you to because love is blind.
46. Did you drop something? [What?] Your conversation, so let's pick it up right here.
47. Can I have your picture? [Why?] So I can show santa what I want for christmas!
48. Damn.....your ass is fine! Want to come see mine?
49. You dropped something. [What?] My jaw.
50. That's a nice dog/cat/pet. Does it have a phone number?
51. Do you mind if we share this cab to my house?
52. Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.
53. Do you have a band-aid? [Why?] I hurt my knee when I fell for you.
54. What do you say we play some football? You can have first down!
55. You're like pizza. Even when you're bad, you're good.
56. You had better phone the firefighters in advance, cause when you're done with me, we'll be on fire!
57. Lets make like fabric softener and Snuggle!
58. Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?
59. Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you.
60. Hi, who's your friend?
61. Are you an Alien? [No, why?] Because you just abducted my heart.
62. I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
63. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
64. Can I borrow your library card? [Why?] Cause I'm checking you out.
65. Drop an ice cube and say 'Now that we've broken the ice, my name is...'
66. Are you bored? [No, why?] Because i really want to nail you.
67. Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
68. Are those astronaunt pants? Cause that ass is out of this world!
69. Are you sure that you're not a microwave oven? Because, you sure make my heart melt!
70. Your feet must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
71. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
72. If I followed you home, would you keep me?
73. You must be the cause of global warming!
74. Are you from Tennessee? [No, why?] Because you're the only 10 I see!
75. What's your sign?
76. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
77. Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
78. Got any raisins? [No.] Then how about a date?
79. Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Guadalupe?
80. You know what your remind me of? [what?] Lucky Charms, You want to know why? [why?] Because you're magically delicious!
81. I can read palms. {write your # on their hand} Oh it says your going to call me soon!
82. So long as we're in the theatre....why don't we get some play?
83. If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.
84. You must be Jamaican, cause you Jamaican me crazy.
85. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
86. It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? "Is it really your birthday?" No, but how about a kiss anyway?
87. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
88. Darling, if you were cocaine I'd OVERDOSE!
89. If you were a wedgie, I'd pick you!
90. Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?
91. I lost my virginity... can I have yours?
92. Do you sleep on your stomach? [yes/no] Can I?
93. Are your parents retarded? 'cuz DANG your special!
94. Do you have a quarter? [Why?] I told my boyfriend/girlfriend that I would call him/her when I found someone better.
95. Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.
96. Do you have a bandage? I hurt my knee when I fell in love with you.
97. You are like a glass of milk... you do the body good.
98. Fat penguin. [What?] I just wanted to say something to break the ice.
99. I'm not feeling myself today, can I feel you?
100. Are you a light switch? Cause I want to turn you on!
101. Where is your mother? [Why?] Because you're too young to be here without an adult.
102. You spend so much time in my dreams I should charge rent!
103. Want to get some air? You took my breath away!
104. How much does a polar bear weigh? [I don't know, how much?] Just enough to break the ice. Hi my name is ____.

102 MORE places to have sex!

102 MORE places to have sex!

Featured By: http://www.romancestuck.com/sex-intimacy/sex-places.htm

** NOTE ** These are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

1. On a porch swing
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Inside an unknown rocky cave or limestone cave.
3. In the weight room at your gym.
4. In your not-yet-finished new build house.
5. On the hood of your car on a deserted gravel road.
6. On a pool table.
7. On top of the washer... while it's running.
8. On a soft rug in front of a fireplace.
9. On a secluded island beach.
10. In the backyard under the stars.
11. In the woods after it rains.
12. On a motorcycle.
13. In a public restroom.
14. In an airplane restroom -- join the mile high club!
15. On a train in the middle of the night.
16. In bed with silk or satin sheets.
17. In bed with rose petals all over.
18. On the beach at night.
19. In your lover's childhood room while their parents are home.
20. Outside in the rain.
21. In a hot tub.
22. On the deck of a yacht during a full moon.
23. Under a rainbow.
24. On a trampoline.
25. On top of a hill.
26. In the middle of nowhere.
27. In the car during heavy traffic.
28. In the car on the side of a deserted road.
29. In a hotel
    
    
    
    
    .
    
    
30. In a state park.
31. On a waterbed.
32. On the loft in a barn full of hay.
33. In a field full of wildflowers.
34. On a rooftop.
35. In an open field at night.
36. By a waterfall with the water misting all around you.
37. Under a waterfall.
38. In your partner's bed.
39. In the garage.
40. On a jungle gym at night.
41. Outside during sunset.
42. In the car going through an automated car wash.
43. On your patio, balcony, or deck on a starry night.
44. In the mountains.
45. On an abandoned air field.
46. Under the full moon in wet grass.
47. On a porch swing.
48. In the living room during the day with the windows wide open.
49. On a blanket beside a lake.
50. In an elevator.
51. On the bathroom floor.
52. In your partner's parents room.
53. In a sauna.
54. In a very big bed.
55. On the top bunk of a bunk bed.
56. In a tent.
57. At your office.
58. On your office desk.
59. On a boat deck with the waves gently rocking you.
60. In a tree house.
61. In a department store restroom.
62. In the restroom at a restaurant.
63. In a hot air balloon.
64. In a room filled with lit candles.
65. In a bathtub.
66. In the shower.
67. In a canoe on a river.
68. On a baseball diamond at night.
69. In a swimming pool.
70. At the bottom of the grand canyon.
71. In a beach house with a light breeze gusting outside.
72. Off a beaten trail in the woods.
73. In every room of your house.
74. On a chair.
75. On an air mattress.
76. On your kitchen table
    
    
    
    
    .
    
    
77. In a screened in porch in the middle of a thunderstorm.
78. On a hotel balcony, covered with a fuzzy blanket.
79. In a sleeping bag under the stars.
80. On a paddle boat on a lake.
81. In the bed of a truck on a hot summer night.
82. In the ocean... ride the waves.
83. In a room filled with balloons.
84. In front of a video camera.
85. In an abandoned barn on the hay wearing nothing but cowboy boots and a cowboy hat.
86. On an old sheet with chocolate body frosting.
87. On a bed surrounded by pillows.
88. At a bed and breakfast.
89. On an amusement park ride... tunnel of love, in the dark?
90. In the back of a limo.
91. Next to a campfire.
92. On a golf course.
93. In the car at a drive-in movie.
94. On really plush carpet.
95. In your house during a thunderstorm, with a window open and rain misting in.
96. On a picnic table.
97. In a hammock.
98. On horseback.
99. While scuba-diving.
100. On a ferris wheel when you're stuck at the top.
101. At a rest area.
102. In a corn field.

Top 10: Erotic Vacations

Featured by: http://www.askmen.com/top_10/travel_200/222_travel_top_ten.html

Number 10

Hedonism III

The newest resort from the chain that started it all, this is a couples-only retreat for those looking to spice up their relationship. Located at Runaway Bay in Jamaica, Hedonism III is the place to be for fun in the sun.

For singles: Couples only

For couples: On top of all the great features seen in the first two all-inclusive Hedonism resorts, Hedonism III has new features like tantra kits (with massage oils, body paint, whipped cream) to keep you up all night long, a clothing-optional pool and beach areas, and fantasy theme nights that will have you and your girl dressed up as sexy pirates, dancing the night away in fetish wear and more. If that doesn't get you going, the free in-room Playboy channel and the mirrors over the beds might do the trick.

Number 9

Caliente Resorts

This luxury clothing-optional resort near Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic, (with an additional Tampa, Florida, location) is the perfect erotic vacation choice for travelers looking for a good time without tan lines.

For singles: Caliente hosts singles weeks that are geared toward erotic vacations for the single traveler with getting-to-know-you events and activities that help with mingling and pave the way for debauchery. Free-flowing alcohol and beach-front parties are sure to help you in your holiday hookup mandate.

For couples: With all the trappings of a luxury all-inclusive resort, the Caliente Resort offers up the best in everything for couples seeking an escape and a little extra time to spend together -- naked or not. Choose the Caliente as your erotic vacation spot if you want the added bonus of vacationing at a spa with full-service facilities to pamper you and your lady after a long day or night of doing whatever you came here to do.

Number 8

Porn Week  

For those who have always wanted to combine two of the biggest genres in the entertainment industry -- reality TV and porn -- this is the ultimate erotic vacation for men. Porn Week is a global phenomenon, and the locations change every week, so you can keep on going and never get bored.

For singles: Sign up for this erotic vacation and watch real porn movies being filmed while enjoying an all-inclusive vacation with the sexiest girls in adult films at the same time. There's even a chance they’ll let you on the set for a guest role; need we say more?

For couples: Singles only

Number 7

SuperClubs

Negril, Jamaica, is home to the flagship location of the SuperClubs family of resorts and is the crown jewel in their impressive roster of sultry Caribbean getaways.

For singles: The adults-only mandate at this erotic vacation locale ensures that you won't be fighting for pool space with the kids, and you'll be able to take advantage of the lure of paradise to relax and let loose. The wedding and honeymoon packages do skew the odds in favor of couples, but singles and groups won't be overwhelmed with romance.

For couples: For active couples who like to work up a sweat and try new things, the Grand Lido has more facilities and activities than you can possibly take advantage of in just a week, not to mention that this resort is considered to be the best in the Caribbean and has 22 acres of ground to explore.

Number 6

Temptation Resort

This all-inclusive adults-only resort is in the tourist mecca of Cancun, Mexico, and offers a very social environment for couples and singles looking to get to know their fellow travelers.

For singles: The on-site Temptation Cast makes it their personal mission to trash inhibitions and get guests mingling and participating in games and activities that might not help you make a love connection but will definitely get you on the right track for some memorable moments.

For couples: Want more than laying on the beach and rubbing sun-tan lotion on your lady? On top of typical Mexican sun, surf and sand, you can send her off for a Sensual Fitness class that will have her ready to perform a lap dance, chair dance or work the pole for you when she gets back. Temptation hosts both singles and couples, but has emphasis on introducing guests and encouraging wild behavior with games and social events, and we all know that doesn't just apply to the singles.

Number 5

Viking Exotic Resort

When these guys give the “all-inclusive” pitch, they aren't just talking about food and drinks, they're talking about the ladies as well. This Caribbean paradise near Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic, is secluded, private and full-service -- the epitome of luxury Caribbean splendor.

For singles: On top of the great weather, food and location, and depending on the package you choose, you'll have access to anywhere from 1 to 10 private personal companions for your stay. The Ultimate Fantasy package secures two girls for each night of your stay; surely, that's better than trying to do it on your own! Consider these gorgeous girls to be your girlfriend for the day -- and night -- and let them introduce you to all that Viking has to offer.

For couples: Best for singles

Number 4

Castle Milkersdorf

In the secluded countryside outside Brandenburg, Germany, Castle Milkersdorf hosts no-holds-barred weekend parties for couples looking to spice things up, either alone or with whomever else happens to cross their paths. To keep the anonymous and discrete parties top-secret, guests must stay in a nearby inn and are picked up at 8:30 p.m. and delivered back at 3:30 a.m.

For singles: Couples only

For couples: Couples are encouraged to watch, be watched and get to know each other in medieval surroundings. This erotic vacation is strictly for those looking to explore their naughty side in a safe and private setting away from the crowds and without the resort-style staff cheerleaders. The secretive and historical setting will leave you feeling more like James Bond than a college kid on spring break, and the theme rooms will tempt you try all sorts of Bond-worthy shenanigans.

Number 3

Jules Undersea Lodge

Have a sexy undersea adventure looking out the glass windows (or even steaming them up) at the passing marine life in this underwater hotel off the coast of Key Largo, Florida.

For singles: Singles are welcome, but it might not be as erotic all by yourself, and with only a few rooms there's a limit on your chances of meeting someone to take back to your room.

For couples: If it's good enough for Steve Tyler of Aerosmith, you can be sure that you and your own personal groupie will get a rise out of the enclosed submarine-like atmosphere and unique sights. Looking to explore your partner in complete privacy, you'll feel like you're the only two people for miles, which is no doubt one of the reasons Sports Illustrated chose to shoot their iconic Swimsuit Issue here.

Number 2

Cap d'Agde

No list of erotic vacations can be complete without a nod to the ultimate purveyors of what is sexy -- the French. The small seaside town of Cap d'Agde is the worldwide capital of nudism and swells in the summer to accommodate travelers from all over the world who are intrigued with the idea of a place that is all naked, all the time.

For singles: It might be a bit tricky to work your pickup lines on girls who are already naked, but at least it will save you the always awkward step of trying to figure out how to unhook her bra.

For couples: Shopping naked, eating naked, sunbathing naked, and doing just about everything else naked can be a huge turn-on for couples who have lost that spark and need a little reminder of just how desirable their partner is. You'll get checked out, and so will she, and you'll both get to survey the goods on display. For nighttime fun, be sure to check out one of the two couples-only, anything-goes nightclubs for a real eye-opener.

Number 1

SwingFest

This annual party and convention changes location every year and boasts a full weekend of swinger parties, erotic merchandise and opportunities for adventure.

For singles: Couples only

For couples: Whether you're experienced with the swinging lifestyle or just curious about it, SwingFest is a full-service weekend of induction into the ways of swinging couples. Wild parties are mandatory, designated playrooms are optional and your lady will love the shopping opportunities for sexy lingerie, toys, fetish outfits, and introduction services for those looking for playmates. Because the location changes every year, no two SwingFests are ever the same.

Secret of Sensual Love Making - The 4 Big Basics

Author: Hillary Simon
The secret of sensual love making lies in the application of these four simple yet incredibly effective techniques. Forget about magic potions or supposed secret techniques, it always comes down to taking the simple, and mastering it.
1. Foreplay. Greatly overlooked in many promised secret of sensual love making manuals, including or not including foreplay can make or break a love making session. When included it can raise arousal and excitement, hence bringing even the most standard love making session to incredible heights.
2. Touch. Another greatly overlooked aspect to the secret of sensual love making is the simple yet effective act of touch. Touch and tenderness go hand and hand. Hence the more you touch, the more tender you become. Touch should be applied all over the body, though not to the point of excessive groping; rather there are areas one should concentrate on specifically which include the face (specifically the cheeks), the back of neck and shoulders, above the knees, the feet, and there are other "touch places" which induce elements of both tenderness and eroticism which one can uncover in a good manual focusing on naturally erotic spots.
3. Tempo and speed. This is very important and serves as a big secret of sensual love making due to the fact that it targets the individual person and their individual preferences. Some enjoy more of a slow rhythm while others prefer a more steady and fast pace. You are literally uncovering a secret of sensual love making by discovering your partners specific preference for tempo.
4. Words. Once again, a major overlooked element in a secret of sensual love making. Words are powerful and when they convey meaning that boosts your partners arousal and state of mind, then forget about it. You've uncovered a major secret of sensual love making when you find a flavor for what your partner likes to hear. One of the major complaints partners have is never "hearing" how beautiful or special they are. Well if you drop these bombs during love making then you've just increased the sensual environment ten fold.
The secret of sensual love making does not require any magic routines yet should only be concerned with the proven routines that do in fact work. The secret is that few are willing to concentrate, master, and combine the four elements above that make up the core of any powerful love making session.
About the Author:

Do you feel like your lovemaking is getting a little stale?If you think your lovemaking has become a bit 'ordinary' or you just want to make it even better than it already is then read the 500 Lovemaking Tips and give your partner moments to remember.
Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Secret of Sensual Love Making - The 4 Big Basics

Crazy, Sexy, Strange: The Top 10 Wildest Places You've Had Sex

Read more: http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,mw39-p,00.html#ixzz0TlrJxqOd

When we asked you to tell us the strangest place you've ever had sex, we expected the usual -- backseats, bathrooms and parents' bedrooms. But we never imagined that one of you would actually have done it in a hot air balloon over Australia! Your answers ranged from barely naughty to brazenly illegal! Our criteria for selecting the top 10 were simple. Shock us. Or, make us jealous. And in case you're wondering, you did -- both.

10. Finally, a reason to go the library

"During college I worked at the campus library with my boyfriend. One day he found me re-shelving books, and suggested that we take a break. We went to the top floor, which was a mezzanine with a few chairs and tables, and he made love to me right there in the open. After that, we never did get much work done together.

"9. Beats watching a PowerPoint presentation

"On the office conference table! I lost an earring and spent weeks discreetly looking for it at every subsequent meeting." 8. To think of all the looting they passed up

"A few years ago there was a blackout in my city that lasted hours. I got bored of sitting around my apartment with my boyfriend -- so I grabbed a flashlight and took him to the stairwell. It was dark and stuffy, but I still remember the way the stairwell echoed when we started kissing. We didn't get caught -- but next time I'd bring a candle instead of a flashlight."

7. True story or Red Shoe Diary?

"My boyfriend and I were at a fancy hotel restaurant. Our table had a long, white cotton tablecloth. My boyfriend pretended he was picking up a fork from the floor and proceeded to perform oral sex on me. It was very exciting. When the waiter came to take our orders he asked where my date had gone. I couldn't help but laugh when I told the waiter he went to the bathroom and wouldn't be back any time soon!"

6. Driving my way?

My boyfriend and I had sex in the Lincoln tunnel going into New Jersey. You're not supposed to switch lanes in a tunnel but I think he couldn't help it! We almost caused an accident that night but I think we both would have died happy."

5. Bar owners, take heed. Especially if you're in Atlanta

"My date and I were waiting for a table in a crowded bar at the Cheesecake Factory in Buckhead in Atlanta. People were all around us packed in tight. Nobody seemed to notice when we had a quickie right there in the bar! Hey, if they make you wait two hours to be seated, you have to do something to stay entertained! We definitely worked up an appetite."

4. All in a day's work

"In my early years of college I worked at a video store that had an "adult video" room. One night while I was closing up, my boyfriend picked me up at the store for our date. He patiently waited for me while I put videos away. When I headed to go to the adult room with a stack of returned porn -- he followed me back there and we had sex on the floor surrounded by all the X-rated movies. It was very erotic."

3. If doing it your way means doing the Humpty Dance, so be it

"'I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom' ... literally!"

2. From boot camp to secret booty. Military life doesn't sound so bad after all

"I had sex in the back seat of a Greyhound bus going through Kentucky on my way home from Air Force basic training. I had gone without sex for eight weeks when this really sexy guy from Missouri sat down next to me. There were a lot of people on the bus. But it was worth the risk!"

1. And finally, as always, sin is definitely in

"When I was 18, my boyfriend I snuck into a church during Mass, and he used his hands to teach me a thing or two about prayer. I never thought the name of our Lord so many times in my life!"

Read more: http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,mw39-p,00.html#ixzz0Tlrf78tv

8 Erotic Encounters: Top Places to Be Naughty

Featured by: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/8-erotic-encounters-top-places-to-be-naughty

The very best part of going on vacation is having a vacation romance. If you are solo, you might find a new friend. If you are married or part of a couple, you might infuse your relationship with a little fire. Either way, consider taking a break from your normal routine and getting naughty in a "forbidden" place.
We don't mean that you should strip down on Main Street and do it in full view of the neighbors -- please, don't break any laws! However, we present the following ideas for your consideration . . .
1. In the Car
If you can't get away with a week-long vacation, take a one-night holiday anyone can afford. Get a sitter for the kids or the dogs, and hop in the car. Find a secluded spot at the drive-in, on Lover's Lane, or on a deserted highway, and steam up the windows like you did when you were a teenager. You'll have a wickedly delightful time and appreciate your bed even more when you return home. Caution: Do not try this in a Ford Fiesta.
What you'll need: sexy music, candles and a blanket
2. While Shopping
OK, so a day of shopping may not be the vacation of your dreams, but you may as well make the most of it. Instead of leaving the fitting room to model your latest clothing find, invite your sweetie in for a "private viewing." You'll both get a thrill from your proximity to the public -- just don't get caught! We really can't think of anything more embarrassing than being caught in a compromising position by a store clerk.
3. At the Movies
Don't have sex at the movies! Besides being really gross, it's a nuisance for others. However, we do recommend a little stealth action during a romantic thriller. Try using a remote-controlled toy for a little clandestine fun -- just pick a loud movie or your experience won't be so secret!
What you'll need: remote-controlled toy and extra batteries
4. The Mile-High Club
Having never successfully completed this maneuver, we can only tell you what not to do: Don't expect to fit more than a combined 400 pounds of flesh into the lavatory, don't expect your experience to look anything like it does in the movies, and don't expect that anyone will not know what you are doing in there. Instead of trying to do the deed in a tiny, stinky place, consider alleviating your boredom on a long flight with a little under-the-blanket friskiness. There's no need to get carried away, but you can easily let your fingers do the walking without getting into too much trouble!
What you'll need: nose plugs -- or an airline blanket
5. In the Woods
If you and your sweetie are taking a hike, picnicking or camping, try doing it in the woods. The green canopy will shield you from the sun, the forest floor will cushion your backsides, and the fresh air will leave you invigorated and ready for round two. Find a spot off the beaten path, spread out a blanket, and get friendly. Just remember: "Leaflets three, let it be." There are some places you do not want poison oak or ivy!
What you'll need: a blanket and calamine lotion (just in case)
6. In the Swimming Pool or Hot Tub
The cardinal rule of having sex under water is lube, lube, and more lube. Contrary to what you might expect from a body of slippery, wet water, the chlorine and heat in a swimming pool or hot tub dries out the body's natural lubricant, making sex raspy and uncomfortable. If you're taking a dip into "forbidden waters," bring along a bottle of silicone lubricant -- water-based lubes wash right off. For bonus points, invest in a waterproof toy, book, and game to enrich and eroticize the experience.
What you'll need: silicone-based lubricant, a waterproof toy, and game
7. On the Beach
Here's the deal with sex on the beach: It's really, really, really sandy. You might be better off with the cocktail of the same name. However, if you must . . . bring along two large sheets or blankets, one for under and one for over the two of you. If you do it during the day, wear sunscreen and be prepared for some strange looks (you'll get fewer weird looks if you opt for a nude beach). If you opt for an evening adventure, bring a sweater to fend off chilly ocean breezes.
What you'll need: two blankets or sheets, sunscreen, and some genital-friendly lotion to soothe your sandburn
8. Under a Waterfall on a Tropical Island
Yeah, like any of us are gonna be doing this any time soon. But if you can swing it, you'll never forget it.
What you'll need: lots of money
In general, remember that sex on vacation is supposed to be fun. If you are part of a couple, enliven the experience with new locales or props (candles, toys, or visual aids). If you are vacationing solo and looking for a fling, don't bring unreasonable expectations to the experience. In most cases, the romance ends when your vacation does.
Finally, don't forget to be safe. If you're having a summer fling, you absolutely must use a condom for oral, anal, or vaginal sex. Most importantly: Don't break any laws. We cannot stress this enough. Use good common sense and observe all local ordinances, or your summer adventure can easily turn into a nightmare -- and give you a police record!
That said, go have fun in the sun!

Top Ten Exotic Beaches List

Top Ten Exotic Beaches List

Featured by: http://www.hotelsbycity.net/top10/exotic-beaches/

What makes a beach 'exotic'? Quite simply they need to stand out from the crowd. Coconuts and powder-like sand help too. The destinations shown here are located around the world. We have included beaches that are ideal for swimming or snorkeling as well as great places to party. Others are quite simply stunning to look at. Remember to pack the right gear once you have decided on your destination. A beach holiday doesn’t mean you have to turn into a cooked lobster. Stay safe, lather up on the sunscreen and drink lots of water.

The Baths

Virgin Gorda, British Virgin Islands
You may have hated taking baths as a kid but the Baths on Virgin Gorda just might convert you. As one of the most famous sites in the Caribbean you can enjoy sandy beaches, shallow pools perfect for snorkeling as well as grottos and caves. One of the other unique features are the massive boulders that dot its landscape. Trying to figure out how they got there is all part of the experience. Discover what thousands before you already have and enjoy the Baths. Explore more of what the British Virgin Islands has to offer and stay at an amazing hotel.

Flamenco Beach

Culebra Island, Puerto Rico
Big does not always mean better and Culebra Island proves it. Located off of the coast of Puerto Rico’s mainland lies an island filled with natural beauty and gorgeous beaches. One of its most famous is Flamenco Beach, or known locally as Playa Flamenco. The sand makes a perfect daybed, the water is ideal for snorkeling and the sun can provide you with the most perfect tan. Plus, lush forests surround you. Nature lovers should also keep their eyes open for turtle nesting locations and the many birds that call this paradise home. Make Playa Flamenco part of your holiday destination and relax at a Culebra Island hotel.

Flic en Flac

Flic en Flac, Mauritius
A refreshing blue lagoon and white sand beaches... How perfect does that sound? Welcome to Flic en Flac. This beach has become a highlight for anyone fortunate enough to visit Mauritius. There are sections of the beach designated for hotel use but they can get crowded. Make the trek in between these establishments and enjoy the beauty that surrounds you. True, you might need to bring your own sunshade but will be able to savor this tropical getaway with fewer people. Stick around until the end of the day and watch a glorious sunset. Interested in staying in Flic en Flac? Explore one of our hotels and see which one suits you the best.

Copacabana

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
The famous Copacabana song may have been about a New York nightclub but almost everyone has heard of this amazing beach in Rio de Janeiro. Throngs of people pack this section so if you are looking for a quiet retreat this won’t be it. However, if you want to experience a Brazilian holiday you should spend at least one afternoon at Copacabana. Watch the locals play foot volleyball (can we say talented?) and see a huge array of bathing suits… although it is debatable if you can call them ‘suits’. Get the most of your Copacabana experience and stay at a fantastic Rio hotel.

Playa Tamarindo

Tamarindo Bay, Costa Rica
Playa Tamarindo is as close to picture perfect as you can get. This world-famous destination is a Mecca for anyone who loves to surf. Located along the Pacific coast you can leave the wetsuit behind and enjoy the warm waters. Whether you are a pro or just learning the waves are ideal. Playa Tamarindo also hosts a number of other fantastic water activities and is famous for its fishing hotspots. You won’t need to bring all your water toys with you though as there are a number of rental shops that can provide all your necessary gear. Stay close to this fabulous beach with one of these great hotels.

North Playa del Carmen

Playa del Carmen, Mexico
Playa del Carmen is a fantastic sun destination and its beaches are definitely a top reason. The Central area has great sand but can get quite packed because of the restaurants and vendors that surround it. That is why we have chosen North Playa del Carmen. Seeing this beach stretch out before you is a beautiful site to behold. The sand here is absolutely spectacular and there is a lot of it. Your little ones will love building sandcastles here. The water is also perfect for snorkeling and whatever other water activities you might enjoy. Relax at one of these great Playa del Carmen hotels.

Paradise Beach

Mykonos, Greece
Interested in peace and quiet? Stay clear of Paradise Beach. This hotspot is only for those who love all day and night beach parties. Providing music, bars, lounge chairs, huts and places to grab a bite to eat you could spend a lot of time here. The water is cool and refreshing but truthfully the main reason people flock here is to be a part of the action and celebrate (insert whatever reason you have here) all night long. After your visit you too will see why they have called it Paradise Beach. Stay in the wonderful town of Mykonos and see what else this paradise has to offer.

Kata Beach

Phuket, Thailand
Choosing just one beach on Phuket proved to be a tad difficult. We think we have found one that stands out from the crowd though – Kata Beach. Why? Because it pleases so many people. Located along the west coast surfers head out during the monsoon season to catch huge waves. Once that time of year passes though the water is calm and perfect for beachers longing to relax on the beautiful sand. Kata Beach is simply a welcomed relief from the rest of the island’s hustle and bustle. Explore more of what Phuket has to offer and stay at one of these great hotels.

Bondi Beach

Sydney, Australia
This world-famous getaway is only a half our away from Sydney but Bondi Beach transports you to a whole new world. It is actually incredible how beautiful a beach can truly be. Swimmers should stay around the north end of the beach while surfers will definitely want to make their way south. Be forewarned about its famous rip current though. Stay active and play some beach volleyball or simply soak up that Australian sun. You will find great restaurants and clubs long this glorious stretch of sand as well. See which Sydney hotel is best for you.

Kapalua Beach

Maui, Hawaii
True, Kapalua Beach is only one of a thousand Hawaiian beaches. However, it is one of the best for swimming. Hawaii is famous for big waves, which makes the surfers happy, but what about a beach for those who have no idea what ‘under the barrel’ means? Kapalua beach is a lovely stretch of sand that is one of the safest to swim at. Thus, it is a popular choice among families. They aren’t the only ones though. Come during whale season and see these beautiful aquatic mammals swim by for a truly unique experience. After staying at one of these hotels you just might find it hard to head back home.

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